Retrospect Ramblings and Reasonings

Today's Adventure

2006-08-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty interesting day. This morning the fire whistle in my town (and actually right across the street from me) woke me up. That was followed by my pager going off. The State Police ("Troopers") were requesting our assistance. At first we were on standby in the station. In the station, we were called on a private telephone line, to get the low down on the whole operation, and what we were needed for. We had to discuss it over a private line, instead of over the radio, like we usually do, so people couldn't hear everything on their scanners. There are just so many nosy people out there, who always have to know what's going on. They make me crazy. They don't all need scanners. They don't do anything to help out. They just seem to sit around listening to their scanners, so they can know everybody's business, and then gab about it to other people, and act like they have the inside scoop, like some kind of hotshots. Grrrrr! Oh, and some of them even have the nerve to go to the scene! Then they just stand around, in our way, talking and trying to act like they actually serve some purpose, until somebody finally gets rid of them. At one point, this morning, some 'important' guy let me borrow his vehicle (That was fun! I felt so powerful. It was one fast and powerful vehicle, and it had a bunch of lights, radio communication stuff, and a siren. It was pretty cool.) and I was sent into town for supplies. One lady I know (or used to kind of know) saw me (I was still in some of my turnout gear) and started asking me a bunch of questions. It was so annoying. I haven't had a conversation with this lady for at least 6 years now, and suddenly, she acted like we were good pals. "Oh, Kristy!!! It's sooooo good to see you!" she said. Then she asked me how I was, as if she even cared - she didn't even give me time to answer. Then she started pounding me with inquiries about why the fire whistle went off, what the call was for and where it was, etc. I'm glad to say that she left our conversation very disappointed! I told her that I was not at liberty to disclose that information, and that I was actually still in the middle of the call, so she'd have to excuse me. (In other words, 'leave me alone and get out of my way, you nosy pain in the neck!) Okay, okay, maybe I've been too harsh. I'm sure that not every person with an unnecessary scanner is a nosy pain in the neck. I apologize to those people who are not nosy pains in the neck, and have and unnecessary scanner for some other reason. Maybe some people are just very concerned about everyone else's well-being. Maybe they stop everything and pray for the affected people every time there is a call... even in the middle of the night. After all, we (emergency service workers) have to jump out of bed and go to work every time the pager goes off, so maybe some people jump out of bed and pray every time they hear something on the scanner. Maybe. That would be nice. Well, I still can't give a lot of details about this morning's call, but I can say that there is now one less meth lab in the world! Okay, enough about that. I recently registered for my grad. School classes. This semester I'm taking a required library research course, Principles of Economics, Christian Foundations of Government, and International Politics. I'm especially excited about the International Politics class. Many of the classes I have planned for future semesters really appeal to me, as well. I also had to buy my books yesterday (which are ridiculously priced, in my opinion), and take out some huge loans to pay for tuition and so forth. It should be loads of fun paying for all this. Until next time, keep sweet...

2006-08-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

Whew, it's been awhile. I just can't seem to keep up with this blogging thing. I don't know how some people do it everyday. Well, anyway, I'll try to give an update of what's been going on since my last post. OK, I was recently accepted to grad school. I'm pursuing a Master of Government Degree. So, lately I've been doing a lot of things to get ready for school, like applying for all kinds of financial aid, and doing enrollment and orientation stuff. I really hope I won't have to take out gigantic loans, although, right now, it looks that way. For now, I'll be doing online classes, because it would be really irresponsible (and not very nice) of me to just leave my youth group, church, fire department, etc. on such short notice. Maybe someday, though, I'll actually move to the campus... maybe not. In other news, I've been applying for some jobs. I had one interview last week that went really well. I'm pretty sure I'll get offered a job there, but I'm not sure that I want to accept it, because the pay is not good. I have another interview this Thursday, and I'm hoping it goes well, because this job would pay better, and I think I'd like the work more, too. I applied for one other job, as well, but I haven't heard from them yet. If none of these jobs work out (either because they don't hire me, or because I'm not satisfied with their offer), then I might just wait until September and then go back to substitute teaching. My position has been held for that, so technically I'm still employed as a substitute, anyway. Now for the fun stuff! I took my youth group camping and whitewater rafting about a week and a half ago. That was a lot of fun. Actually, it was a lot of work, but it was fun, too. I liked the camp so much, that I'm going back there next week (but this time without the youth group)! It is really beautiful and serene there. There's no electricity, and there are no motor boats allowed. That makes it far more quiet and rustic than most campgrounds, and attracts a different kind of clientele. This Saturday, I will be conducting another marriage ceremony. This makes number three. I really like doing people's weddings. It's such a wonderful, joyful thing to be a part of. That's all for now, I guess. Tune in next time for more of Kookie's adventures!

Exciting couple of weeks

2006-06-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

Today, I've been working really hard at trying write a research paper. It is a required writing sample for a grad school I'm applying to. It's due by July 3rd, so I'd really need to get it done this week, because I'm going to Mexico in 8 days, and won't be back until July 6th. I've already got my research done, and have made some outlines. Also, after much tossing around of ideas, I've finally come up with a thesis statement that I'm happy with. Unfortunately, I'm finding it very hard to concentrate today. My mind's been wandering off to just about anywhere but "The Most Pressing Public Policy Issue For Today," which is what my paper is supposed to be on. Anyway, I've been working fairly steadily for quite some time, and decided to take a break. My brain could use the rest. I've been quite busy lately with a lot of different things. That's really nothing new for me, though. On Saturday, I had a garage sale to raise money for the Mexico trip. We (the people I'm bringing from my church and I) would like to use the money to bless the people there. We probably made between $150 and $200, although I haven't counted the money yet. I was actually hoping to make much more, and the whole thing seemed to be more work than it was worth. I spent the entire day before the sale setting up tables, carrying things, and organizing and pricing everything. We also sold coffee and donuts in the morning, and hot dogs and fresh squeezed lemonade in the afternoon, and that was also a lot of work to prepare for. Well, it's over now, and I'm left figuring out what to do with all the leftover stuff that people donated to be sold. I guess I'll have to rent a U-haul and take it to a Good Will, or something. I've had a cold this week, but it seems to be diminishing now. I think I got it last Saturday (the 10th). I conducted two weddings on that day. The second one was outside, and it was really cold and damp. Then I stayed for the reception, and an after reception party. The reception had a polka band and pig roast, and it was a blast! The band was really good, and actually played much more than polka. I had a great time hanging out with some old friends, and meeting new people. There were tons of people there and everyone seemed to be having fun. We all talked and danced the night away! The after-party party was more exclusive, basically including just the wedding party, and some other close friends. It was held at a relatively secluded motel at a lake, and was rowdy, to say the least! That was a lot of fun, except I almost had to break a guy's arm, because he wouldn't stop touching me, after I repeatedly told him to. The arm twisting seemed to do the trick. Also, another guy I was talking to told him what he would do if he touched me again, and that seemed to enforce the rules about not touching me. Problem solved. So, despite that, it was a wonderful time. One guy had a guitar, and a bunch of us sang with him a while. For the most part, though we just talked and laughed a lot. It's been a long time since I've had such a fun and memorable night. Eventually, my friends Kristina (a sister of the bride), Theresa (who graduated with Kristina and I), and Anthony (Theresa's older brother) and I decided to leave. We decided to crash at Anthony's house because it was close by and it was super late. We girls slept in his living room. Well, actually Kristina was the only one of us who slept, and she had consumed a whole lot of alcohol, so I think "passed out" is more appropriate. It was freezing!!! It was a very cold night, and Anthony's furnace was off, so the heat never kicked on. He lives in a trailer, so Theresa and I felt just about every breeze and bit of cold from outside. We stayed awake most of the time (too cold to sleep), occasionally reciting scenes from "Titanic," where everyone was freezing to death in the water. Anyway, we lived through the experience, and Kristina and I went out for some nice hot coffee and breakfast in the morning. She had to drive, though, because when we went to the place my car was, and I tried to start it, it wouldn't start, and then a big plume of dark smoke started rising from the hood, and I quit trying to start it. Kristina has AAA, so she had it towed for me after breakfast, and for that I'm very thankful. I got my car back on Saturday. Actually, Kristina was back in town, and took me to get it. Saturday night, she and I went to the movies. We saw "The Break Up." It was alright, but not nearly as funny as I was expecting. I think Vince Vaughn is great, though. He cracks me up. After the movie, we met up with our friend Mary, and ended up running into Anthony, and about half of our graduating class. It was freaky, but a lot of fun. We also saw a ton of other people we went to school with (from other classes), and I had an almost overwhelming blast from the past experience. Seeing some of the people, in particular, brought back quite a rush of memories and emotions. Overall, it was a really great time. Wow, two really exciting Saturday's in a row! On Sunday I went to church, as usual. It was my turn to teach children's church with a couple other people. Everything went well, and the kids seemed to have a lot of fun. After church, my mom and I took my dad out for a nice Father's Day lunch, and I gave him a gift (a nice new polo shirt for golfing or whatever). Then we went shopping, and headed for home. When I got home, I hurriedly made some lemonade (George, the 99 yr. old I live with, really likes my lemonade and requested more.) and left for a graduation party. On my way there I got stuck behind a tractor, and when I finally passed it, it turned out that Anthony was driving it. LOL! I could only stay at the party for a few minutes, and then I had to leave for youth group. Youth group was fun as always. I adore those kids! Ok, so there's the exciting highlights of my past couple weeks. Now I'm going to take a short walk and come back to work on my paper.

A little under the weather

2006-05-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was really sick! I thought several times about calling the ambulance to take me to the ER, but always decided not too, because I know everyone on the squad, and it would be way too embarrassing. Yesterday I woke up early to get ready for work, and the moment I sat up, I noticed things were not right. I had severe nausea and dizziness, and ached all over. I managed to go to work anyway, because I have no clue what's supposed to happen when the substitute teacher gets sick! I drove to work holding a bag by my face, just in case. I suffered through the day, and actually vomited in a trash can in the classroom, about halfway through the day. Thankfully, there were no students there at the time. I noticed that I was developing a fever, my aches were seriously increasing in intensity, and I was getting weaker every moment. I also checked my pulse a few times, and noticed it was a bit fast. Actually, it started at 100, and was 114 by the time I left school at 2:30 (I left early because I had no students last period). When I finally got home (and I think it was a miracle that I did!), I literally collapsed in my bed, and slept until about 4:30, when the fire whistle and my pager went off. There was a huge storm that had brought some tree limbs and wires down. I slept through the whole thing. Well, the whole night was basically miserable, and my condition just kept getting worse. Thankfully, I woke up this morning feeling much better! I was still not 100%, but I was able to work all day without vomiting, so that's good. Also, my aches and pains are pretty much gone, and it's just the stomach stuff I'm dealing with now. Well, since my last blog, I've been busy, as usual. Mostly I've been doing the same stuff as usual - youth pastoring, work, ambulance calls, historical society stuff, etc. I went to Pennsylvania for a little while to visit my grandparents and help them out with some things. I've also been getting ready for an upcoming mission trip to Puebla, Mexico. I will be there from June 27th to July 6th. In more recent news, Saturday I got to hang out with Kevin, Melissa, and Dann, who are really good friends of mine, that I haven't seen in quite some time. That was great! We had a fire and just chilled for a while. It was a blast! Monday (Memorial Day), I was in a couple of parades. I just rode in the passenger seat of the ambulance and waved at people. Then another pastor and I led a memorial service at the Fire Department, because we are the Chaplains. In the afternoon, I went to the movies and saw "Poseidon." It was ok. Then I went shopping (more looking, actually). The only thing I bought was a pair of capris, that are kind of a faded olive-green color. I really like them, and they were on sale... yeay!

If you read nothing else, read the bold!

2006-05-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't blogged in ages! I'm so far behind, but way too much happens in my life for me to give an update of the last month and a half. Thus, I'll just stick to recent happenings, and if any of you close to me really want to know what's been going on with me since my last entry, you'll just have to call me. Well, right now I'm on a break from a conference that I've been attending with my pastor and his wife. It's the MFI (Ministers Fellowship International) Northeast Regional Conference. Sounds exciting, huh? I had to read a book for this conference (prior to attending), called The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork. That sounds equally exciting, doesn't it? Well, I was pretty bored with the book (I've been a leader for as long as I can remember, and have, therefore, already read a lot about teamwork, and been to countless summits, conventions, and trainings pertaining to it.), but it did have some interesting illustrations. Happily, the conference hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. The speakers have actually been interesting, insightful, funny and real. I'm especially pleased with the "real" part. Dick Iverson, the big cheese of this gathering, seems to be a really cool, normal, down to earth, humble guy. How refreshing! He stresses the importance of being "just normal Christians," and not having to appear as Christian super gurus. He also pointed out that while we tend to be very position and title oriented, God does not have the same hierarchy. A senior pastor is not such because he or she is a better person, or more loved by God, than others. This sounds like common sense, but I can guarantee that many people listening really needed to be reminded of that. In other news, I've been busy with ambulance calls, and I love it! I really enjoy being in the fire department, and going on calls. The camaraderie I feel amongst the members of the fire department (and especially the emergency squad members) is really great. We support, encourage, teach, and learn from each other regularly. Sometimes it feels like we're a family. Some of the calls we go on are easy; some are hard. Some calls are actually kind of funny, and some of them are really difficult, gory, emotional (although we completely suppress that during the call), and maybe even a little bit terrifying. No matter what the call is, though, we go through it together. Then, when it's over, we talk, laugh, cry, or whatever is necessary and appropriate. I think I could really go on forever about how great it is, and how much I've gained from being involved, but I'll stop for now. I'll end with this thought, though: In the fire department (EMS in particular) we really work well together. Where one person is weak, another person's strengths make up for it. One person picks up where another left off. If we succeed, we do so together. If we fail, we fail together. No one is left to fend for themselves. This is real teamwork. I wish I could say the same about the "team" we are supposed to have in the Church worldwide. Isn't it sad that this often seems to be the case in Christian circles? I've come across so many "Christians" that care more about what's in it for them, than the good of the "team," and more importantly, the good of building the Kingdom and glorifying God. We, as Christians, are called the Body of Christ. In order for a body to function properly, all the parts have to work together. Sadly, it seems that too many body parts are striving to be the Head. There can only be one Head!!! The Head is Jesus Christ! So many "Christians" look down their noses at non-Christians. From what I've observed through the years, it seems that many of these non-Christians actually display much more Christ-likeness than many so-called "Christians." Some of the people in the fire department with me are not Christians, but I'd trust most of them with my life (and more important things) before I'd ever trust a lot of "Christians." What is this saying about the church? You think about it. If you're reading this and you're not a Christian, I implore you not to reject Jesus based on the behavior of many people you've come across that call themselves Christians. (Don't get me wrong, there are some really wonderful men and women of God, too.) Instead, I challenge you to read the Bible, and see who Jesus really was, and what He was really like. If you are a Christian, I exhort you to continually examine your own life, and make sure that you're really trying to be like Jesus. I know it's a big cliche, now, but "WWJD?" Oh, and please be careful that you are trying to be like the Head, not become the Head! I'm not trying to sound like I've got it all together. I don't! I have a lot of work to do, too.

Busy Weekend

2006-03-19T13:38:00.000-08:00

Saturday, I woke up early to the sound of my pager going off, but I didn't go on the call. I tried to start preparing a lesson for children's church, which Gail, Darren, and I would be teaching Sunday morning. I called Gail, and we put our heads together for a long time, and tried to come up with a lesson. Eventually, something pretty much came together. Then I had some breakfast, and made myself presentable. When I was all ready, my mom and I went shopping. I had decided that after having such a rough week, I'd better go buy myself some new clothes. And so I did! That was fun, and I really like my new stuff. My mom got some nice things, too, which is really good, because she almost never gets anything nice for herself. In the evening I had dinner with my family. We had corned beef and cabbage, with potatoes and carrots, which is usually what we have on Saint Patrick's Day, but we decided to have it a day later, becuase of our busy schedules. It was nice to have a nice dinner with my family. For most of the rest of the night, I worked on getting ready for a big thing I'm doing for the youth group. There is a lot of preparation and props required, so that was very time consuming. Today, I went to church, as usual, and helped lead worship. We taught children's church. That went very well. After the service, I had some coffee, and talked with a friend for a while. Then, after everybody left, I began setting up everything for youth group. That took a long time. I finally got home at around 4:00, and had a quick bite to eat. Then it was back to church, to make final preparations, and run youth group.

Dilemma resolved

2006-03-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday and last night just got worse and worse. (However, some parts of the day were good, like talking to a very good friend, who's like a brother to me, who I called for comfort and advice. And also talking to a long lost girlfriend, for pretty much the same reasons.) The night's biggest battle began with me emailing Bachelor Number 3 and telling him that whatever he thought we had is all over, and he seriously freaks me out, and I want nothing to do with him! I asked him to leave me alone - "Please don't call me, email me, message me, or try to contact me in any other way..." Well, that didn't work, and it ended up being a very long and emotional night. He just kept on sending me messages, emails, and calling my cell, which I had turned off in anticipation of him doing just that! Oh, and I was chatting with a friend online, and I was in invisible mode, because I new that psycho Number 3 would keep signing on to see if I was online, and send me a billion messages! Yeah, I ended up being totally right about that! He just kept signing on and off, and on and off. It doesn't take a genius to know that the crazy, possessive, freak was just looking for me. According to the times listed for the messages, emails and voice mails he left me, the creep literally spent hours trying to contact me, without even taking a break!!! CRAZY! Well, when it was really late, and I had finally decided to go to bed, I had to turn my phone on, because I'm a substitute teacher, and I have to have my phone on in order to receive calls to work. Well, as soon as I turned it on, I was bombarded by all the messages from the lunatic, which I pretty much just deleted and didn't even bother listening to. Then, just as I finished checking my voice mail, and was headed to my bed for some much desired (and needed) sleep, my phone rang! Guess who? Bingo! Psycho Number 3! Well, I knew that if I didn't answer my phone, he'd just keep calling, and I'd never get any sleep. So, I mustered up some courage, and answered the phone. He immediately started begging me to just give him another chance - he'd be better, he'd respect my boundaries this time, he knows that it's God's will for us to be together... Yeah, right!!! Well, I was not putting up with this manipulation any more, so I really yelled at him! I told him he is absolutely not the one for me, and I will NOT have a relationship with him. I spent most of the day crying and freaking out. I have no peace about it, whatsoever and the answer is NO! N-O! Then he told me, yet again, that he knew it was God's will, etc. Well, that got me really mad, because I know that I can hear from God, too, and He was telling me something entirely different. So I sternly declared that he does not have a monopoly on conversations with God, and it is down right cruel, sick and evil to try to manipulate someone by using God, or God's word... Then I demanded that he leave me alone. He continued whining and trying to convince me to give him a chance, or at least be friends, but I said, "NO, NO, NO!!!!!! I don't even want to be friends with you! You freak me out! I don't want anything to do with you! Leave me alone!!!" Anyway, I eventually told him that if he ever tried to contact me again, then I would get a restraining order! That finally made it sink into him, and he agreed to leave me alone. Before we hung up, I did what seemed like the Christian thing to do. I said, "Now, don't take this as an invitation for anything, because I still don't ever want to hear from you again, but I want you to know that I forgive you for what you've done. And I hope you can forgive me for hurting you. Now, have a nice life. God bless you. Goodbye... FOREVER." Then I hung up. Well, so far so good. Almost 24 hours without hearing from him! Before my night ended, I went online and canceled my personals account, deleted my profile, and made sure every trace of the psycho was erased. I've decided that this online personals stuff is just not for me, and I'm so done with it!!! Ok, enough about yesterday, now onto today. Well, the substitute calling service called me super early this morning! Usually they call around 6:20. This morning that called at about 20 of 6! Silly me, I agreed to work, despite my total exhaustion, because this has been a slow week for work, and I seriously need the money. Work went fine, but they had me switching around who I was subbing for, 'cause they were really short handed today. I was seriously dragging today! I wasn't sad (In fact I was feeling quite relieved!), but I was sooooo tired from the previous days' and last night's events. So, I wasn't exactly my usual bright and chipper self. I managed to make it through, though, by the grace of God! This afternoon, I came home and tried starting my car, which has been giving me much grief. (I took George's car to work. He's the almost 99 year old I live with and help to care for a bit.) Eventually I got it started, took it out of the garage and left it running. A while later, I decided to give it a test run, by using it to run some errands. In the evening, my mom and I went out to dinner to a place we often like to go on Fridays, for fish. That was good. It's kind of nice to be a regular at a place, and they know what you want to drink as soon as you walk in. :-) When we got home, I checked my emails. Then I got a phone call from Bachelor Number 2, who has actually become a good friend, even after I told him I wouldn't date him. We had a nice convo. Then my mom and I went to Stewart's and got a free ice cream cone, as is our annual St. Patrick's Day tradition. Now I'm just relaxing a bit, and hoping that my pager won't go off. I'm on call tonight for the ambulance, and I just don't think I have the energy for our usually long and draining adventures. (For those of you who don't know, I'm an EMT on my town's volunteer fire department.) Well, this post is too long already, so I'm done! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What to do?

2006-03-16T11:11:00.000-08:00

Well, honestly, this has been a pretty crazy day (couple of days actually). I'm not even sure where to begin. Ok, well, a while back I decided to venture into the world of online dating. I wasn't too awefully serious about it, but I thought it would be a nice way to meet people with similar beliefs and interests as me. You see, living in a very small town, and going to church in another very small town makes the pickings of people to date, or even just hang out with very slim - especially since my standards are so high. So, how has this new endeavor been going? Well, that's where my current saga begins... First, I posted a profile, complete with photos, and what I think is a pretty accurate brief description of myself and my interests. Then, I kind of just waited to see what would happen. Well, the messages started pouring in! (It was quite an ego boost, really.) Many of the messages and the guys that sent them seemed pretty sleezy and, thus, were immediately deleted. Some seemed like they had potential, so I replied. After all, it could'nt hurt to get to know someone, right? Of those that I replied to, only a few have since been back in touch. Perhaps it was something I said? One of them seemed like a really great guy, and we seem to have a lot in common. The problem is that he is 17 years older than me, and after much careful thought, I decided that the age difference weirded (grossed) me out too much. So, I said my sorries and farewells to that guy. Then there was another guy who seemed really cool. Let's call him Bachelor number 2. We started emailing, then IMing, and eventually talking on the phone. The problem there was that I discovered that he was not remotely passionate enough about God for me to ever have a relationship with him. I mean, I'm a pastor, and as I said I have high standards. It was kind of a bummer, though, because we really had fun chatting together. Well, last night I broke the bad news to him, right after he asked me to go out with him Saturday night. He seemed to take it very well. We had a nice friendly conversation after that, and now he's even planning to check out some churches. Well, like I said, he had asked me out for Saturday night, ironically, someone else had just asked me to go out with him Saturday, as well. And this is where my biggest drama begins... Bachelor number 3: Christian, on fire for God, passionately living for Him and serving Him, filled with the Holy Spirit, prays in tongues, prays and reads the Bible often, knows a lot of scripture, and excercises in spiritual gifts. He's 5'11' with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He's looking for a Christian woman, filled with the Holy Spirit, walking in the Spirit everyday, etc. Wow! That seems like a match, right? (If you know me well, you're saying, "Yup, it sure does!") I was certainly excited and refreshed to see this guy. So, I sent him a simple friendly message, something to the effect of being glad to see a guy who is so passionate about a relationship with Jesus. Well, in the blink of an eye, we were emailing, IMing and talking on the phone. Within literally a couple days, he started calling me pet names. (Now, be it know that all my messages were merely friendly, and I even stated very clearly, more than once, that I did not want to rush into anything. I just wanted to get to know him, and see what, if anything, happened.) Boy, this guy didn't want to waste any time! He was emailing me, IMing me, and calling really often - almost to the point of freakish obsession! Oh, and he would also sing and play the piano for me while we were on the phone. And he discussed marriage and aweful lot! Sometimes I got a bit weirded out by his calling so much and stuff, but I figured, "Ok, I guess he's just really interested in me." Well, interested would be a total understatement! Last night, we were on the phone for a lonnngggg time, until the wee hours of the morning, even though I told him at around 11pm that I had to go, because I might have to work in the morning. Well, during the course of the conversation, we prayed together. (Usually a good idea.) Then, he said this "prophetic word"... or was it??? In the word, it was declared that we were going to be together and have a great music ministry and be world changers, etc. To make a very long conversation short, Bachelor Number 3 basically proceded to say that he could see us together in ministry, etc. He knows that we are meant to be together. I am the woman he has been praying for for years. Yada yada yada... I was totally blown away!!! To make matters worse, he practically put words in my mouth, and tried to pull confirmations from me. A bit later, he asked if would go out with him. Well, I already told him I would meet him on Saturday, and I thought that's what he was referring to, so I agreed again. Unfortunately, he meant "Will you be my girlfriend"... or essentially, "Will you marry me?" Oops! Here I though he was just talking about meeting on Saturday, getting to know eachother, having some laughs, maybe! Well, before I knew what was going on, he starts telling me how much he loves me, and asking me about names for our children!!!! WHAT?????? Well, I was so blasted tired and confused by that point, that I could hardly even respond! Eventually, we ended the converstation, and I attepted to get some sleep. Yeah, right. How can one fall asleep when their head is spinning and swimming in questions, like "What just happened??? What in the world have I gotten myself into??? Is he really the one for me? Is this really God's will? Why didn't I stand up for myself more, instead of just going along with what he was saying? Do I really want this?" And also thinking things like, "Wow, I'm scared to death! Of course bachelor number 3 would just tell me that this is the spirit of fear, and it's of the devil. So, am I not allowed to have questions and concerns? I'm soooo uncomfortable with this! This has happened way too fast! How do I get out of this situation? I've got to break this relationship off! This is just crazy! Oh, but he'll tell me it's not crazy, it's godly. It's God's will. God's ways are not our ways..." By the next morning (today) I had decided that I was way freaked out by the situation, and I was going to call him and tell him it was off. That was dispite the fact that he had practically begged me the night before to promise I would never hurt him. I told him I told him I couldn't promise him that, because I am not perfect. Then he said, "Well, I don't mean like if we were married and had a little tiff, I just mean don't break up with me." Still, I was smart enough not to make any promises! I tried to relax and decided to check my email and IM messages. Big mistake. Of course there was one from Bachelor Number 3! "Good morning, beautiful!..." Oh, boy. Then, about five minutes or less after reading it, my cell began to ring. Guess who? Yup, Bachelor Number 3 - big suprise. Well, he started right in with telling me how excited he was that God brought us together, how wonderful I am, how much he loves me, and so on. At some point I mustered up the strength to tell him that I had some serious doubts about this relationship, and went on to discuss some of them. He then went on to preach to me about how doubt is the opposite of faith, and we are supposed to have faith, etc. Then he continued by telling me that these "What if" questions are just the spirit of fear trying to creep in, and we need to stand agaist it, etc. Then he asked me to please make positive confessions about our relationship, and so on. He asked me several times if my doubts were gone, and eventually I said yes, just to get him to stop asking me, and preaching at me. I know that was dishonest of me, and I feel bad about it. He continued to speak unceasingly about how he was absolutely sure, beyond the shadow of a doubt that we are right for eachother, that we are to be married someday, and if God told him to marry me tomorrow, he would definately do it. He also asked, "Kristy if God told you to marry me tomorrow, would you?" What kind of a crazy trick question is that??? Of course, if GOD told me to I would, because I want to do what God wants, but that doesn't mean that I want to get married soon!!! Just to give some more gory details, he at some point asked me to call him pet names when I talk to him, and tell him that I love him. However, I just had to draw the line there! I told him that I was not comfortable doing that, and that I don't want to feel pressured to do so. It takes me time to warm up to somebody, and I just don't automatically start talking that way! He appologized and said he would wait. For how long, I wondered. Well, it turned out to be for about five minutes, before he came out with, "I'm going to tell you my 3 favorite things about you, and then you tell me your 3 favorite things about me." He proceded to tell me his 3 favorite things about me, and then asked me to tell mine. I said, "You see, now I feel like you're pressuring me again!" Apparently he thought I was joking, because he just giggled and insisted that I do it any way. I mustered up 3 very vague, very (and only) friendly things to say, and then attempted to end the conversation pronto! Of course that didn't work! He had to say "just one more thing" to me about ten more times, and play more songs for me. Oh, and then ask me about a billion times during and after the songs if I like them. Insecure much? (I was thinking, "Dude I just explained that I am uncomfortable verbalizing things! Please stop asking me too! Yes, you play the piano great! You have a gift. Yes, I like the song. But please, please, PLEASE stop asking me to compliment and validate you! If you really know who you are in Christ, then you don't need some girl that you haven't even met to give you confidence and self-worth!!!") When I finally got off the phone, I began to cry really hard. I have no idea what I've gotten myself into, or how to resolve this situation. And what if he is the one? Then what? I mean, he does seem like a very nice, caring, spirit-filled, Christian guy. And I did get several words while I was in Bible school, that when the right one came along it would happen suddenly. Well, this certainly is suddenly!!! But is it too suddenly? Is it the right suddenly? I don't know. If Bachelor Number 3 is right, and this is God's will, then I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to let my flesh get in the way, just because I'm freaking out about how fast things are moving. However, on the other hand, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone, just because they told me it's God's will. I still do have so many doubts, and I just don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be meeting him on Saturday. I'm hoping I'll have a better idea after I actually meet him in person. But I'm so scared! I don't want to hurt him, but I also can't be in a relationship if I don't know it's God's will.